Nothing To Report (NTR), captains mast

So, amazingly nothing has really happened this week. I had been told to expect to go to the officers board either Wednesday or Thursday, and possibly even Friday. Then I got word that it's not happening this week, and may, infact, not happen at all. Apparently, the Army has an issue with my disciplinary record from the Navy. This wasn't an issue when I wanted to enlist, but apparently it has become an issue since I decided to apply for a commission. I suppose a back story is in order here.

At my first duty station I had what effectively amounted to 2 separate chains of command. In order not violate OPSEC, I wont go into specifics about where I worked or what I did, lets just say I didnt always work for the Navy. Anway, in order to take leave, you submitted your leave form through both of them. In this particular incidence, I submitted the form through both and recieved approval from both. If memory serves me correctly, I wanted to depart on leave in a wednesday. On that day, I recieved a phone call from the my Navy COC telling me to stand by, there was a manning issue from the other COC. I was told that I would be able to take my leave as soon as it was sorted out. I recieved no further word from either COC, despite numerous phone calls, so at close of business on Friday, I departed on what I believed was authorized leave. I was called by the command duty officer at home in NY on Sunday, and informed that I was AWOL, and asked wether or not I planned on returning. I was somewhat surprised, and made best possible speed back to my duty station. When I arrived I was told to change into a dress uniform and stand by. I was informed that I was being charged with article 87 (I think...whatever AWOL falls under) of the UCMJ for "failure to follow proper leave check out procedures, and would attend a professional review board that week. I was removed from my position and placed on X-Division (command detail work) untill further notice. Here's where I really FUCKED UP. A professional review board is made up of E7's and above (only enlisted). It's basically your chance to plead your case, eat humble pie and kiss ass. If you do a good job of that, you may not have to continue the process of NJP, it can be settled with a written counseling statement and you can go alon your merry way. Instead of doing this though...I went in all kinds of pissed off, waving my approved leave form around like an ass and basically being a cocky douche-bag. Needless to say, it was decided by this review board that the 3 hours of ass raping they doled out wasn't nearly enough, and I would be passed on up to the XO for an Executive Officers Interview, which is the door step to Captains Mast. I was much more humble during the XOI, in fact I didn't say anything at all, just stood at attention and got my butt stretched again, this time by an officer. He even told me I had disgraced the memory of my best friend ( a sailor, and my housemate, who had been killed a few months prior in a motorcycle accident ). I left the XOI in tears, with his reccomendation that I continue along the path to standing tall in from of the man.

One thing I love about the Navy is its traditions. a Captains Mast is still conducted the same it was 200 years ago. Its published in the plan of the week, and all personnel not on duty are required (or at least encouraged) to attend. everyone stands in a formation in front of a podium, and the members of the review board, and my divisional COC form a sort of horse-shoe formation in front of a podium. When everyone was finally assembled, my sorry ass was marched in, and I stood in front of the podium, at attention, while the captain (CO) reads the charges against you. He then asked me for my side of the story, which I humbly gave, then he asks all the officers and members of the board what they think. Basically they all say that the accused is the biggest sack of shit in the Navy, and he should be shown the door, given a bad conduct discarge (BCD, Big Chicken Dinner), and keel-hauled. This can actually go on quite a while depending on how many officers and chiefs you have managed to piss off. Each one individually tearing you apart. Finally, the XO is the last one to speak, and he says something to the effect that you arent a TOTAL loss, and given the proper dose of punishment, you might be motivated to turn into some kind of decent sailor. The CO then make his descision. In my case is was something like, "Petty Officer B2G, after hearing the testimony of your chain of command, I find that you are, indeed, the biggest shit stain on the skivvies of the Navy, and if the XO hadn't said there was hope for you, you would be swiftly departing the Navy on the end of my shoe. Instead Ill take his reccomendation that you be punished severely, and in fact given the maximum punishment I can give as an 05. I sentence you to a reduction in rate to E3, forfeiture of 2 months pay and allowances, and 30 days confinement (in my case restriction to quarters), and 30 days of extra duty. Report to the Command Duty Officer for orders, dismissed. The disposition of your captains mast is then published in the next Plan of the Week, (which is read daily at muster) so that anyone who missed it gets the whole scoop on your shame and disgrace. All in all, its a humbler. At least they didnt rip the rank off my soulder right there.

So, after that, what did I learn? I learned accountability! I also learned that I had been running around the command acting like an asshole, and enough people were just waiting for me to step on my dick so they could drive it home. If I had made better descisions, like acting like an NCO, and not taking the leave, even though it was approved. If I had not pissed off everyone under the sun, maybe it wouldnt have gotten to that point, It probably would have just been a written counseling and some good advice about pulling my head out of my ass. Did I learn that lesson and apply it? you bet your ass. I eventually was promoted to E4 (again) and then to E5 before I left the Navy entirely. But it appears as if I'm still being punished. Oh well, we'll see what happens.

Holy Plasma's Batman!

So we have finally started getting inventory for the new store. I have never seen so many gorgeous televisions in one place in my entire life. The smallest one I've had to move has been 40", the biggest so far has been 79". WOW. The good thing about all that is that the store will be impressive, the bad thing is that my back is killing me! Plasma TV's, for as thin as they are, are friggin HEAVY!!!! LCD T.V.'s...very thin, very light, thie first one I tried to move made me think the box was empty. I would love to own one of them....gorgeous....mmmmm...Gears of War would look so good on a brank new 50" Samsung or Pioneer Elite LCD.....sigh...oh well...maybe someday. In news of the wierd...Im actually learning alot and getting some cool experience working at the new store. I get to set everything up in the Home Theater section (where I'll be working) and running all the wiring, learning how to make the cables....how much digital signal an HD tvneeds to have a decent picture...how to figure out how much of that signal is lost by each coupler I make...its been pretty cool, and pretty hands on. I set up a display today for the LCD/Plasma mounts....very cool. B.B really has their shit together when it comes to this sort of thing....everything we have in the store is beautiful. For as much as I bitch about the pay, I'm gettng excited about the store opening and getting everything finally put together.

I officially finished my OCS packet tonight. Turned in my essays, and my letters of reccomendation. It's all getting sent out tomorrow, then I'll go to the board next week, probably Thursday, and then renegotiate and sign a new contract. The full weight of being an officer really hit home tonight. My recruiter asked me a few questions he thought would be a good sample of what the board might ask, and they really got me thinking. I also came torealize that in order to be a truly excellent officer, I have to be better than all my men at everything. I have to have shorter hair, a closer shave and a sharper uniform...everyday. I have to be able to run farther and faster, do more push-ups and sit-ups, march farther with more weight, and shoot straighter than all of the men I expect to follow me. I have to have all the answers to their questions and be able to anticipate their wants and needs. I have to be the example of the soldier that I want them to be...in all aspects of my life. Both professionally and personally. Im beginning to think that there arent enough hours in the day to learn everything I'll need to know. Thank God for NCO's. There's a significant amount of pressure that comes with accepting all of this. It's really an amazing opportunity. I can't imagine the caliber of officer that it takes to be an SF Officer. If Im going to be challenged this much to be a bisic infantry officer, I cant even dream what it must be like to be responsible for an ODA, or to be in charge of some of the missions that they undertake, far away from any guidance from superiors. Absolutely Amazing. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the challenges ahead.

Best Buy

Sooooo.....its been a few days since I've posted anything, the good news is that I have been keeping pretty busy with my new job at Best Buy. They decided to hire me full time, so no more outrageous medical bills......maybe I can even find a doc to re-check my ears and give me a go on the Airborne Physical and not have to pay through the nose. Then I can renegotiate my contract AGAIN back to 18x....who knows....health insurance opens a world of opportunities.

So I did get a $.25 an hour raise when I moved to full time status. So now Im really raking it in. $8.50 an hour....I never thought I'd see the day. No, really...I seriously never thought I'd see the day I made $8.50 and hour. I'll let you decide wether I was planning on making more or less. So it still looks like I'll be needing a second job untill I finally ship. The sad thing is that the G.I. Bill pays out more than a full time job per month. Holy Smokes. Has anyone seen the series on FX called "30 Days"? It was done by the guy who did "SuperSize Me"? I think his name is Morgan Spurlock. Anyway, he did an episode where he and his Girlfriend tried to live for 30 days on minimum wage (with both of them working). It was pretty informative. Basically, you can't. Ready for a rant? Ok....hang on...here we go.....

Minimum wage is a creation of the modern welfare state and should be abolished along with welfare and Social Security. You might ask why....but I would slap you and point out that I have a minor in economics and wave around that $1.80 piece of paper that I paid $30,000 for. I understand that during the depression, minimum wage, welfare, social security and all the other public assistance programs were necessary because the charities that normally handled the super needy were overwhelmed. Lets look at the world today though. Minimum wage is still around, the problem is that its too low to support anything more than the most basic of lifestyles. In fact, Its too low to support even that. Unless you live with your parents and dont have to pay rent, or for food, you really cant make it on minimum wage. I'm sure it still serves the purpose of keeping the evil empires (like walmart) honest, all it really does is establish a minumum standard of living and create more problems. Well, why not raise it you ask. Good question...funny little problem with that called inflation. See...when everyone is making more money...money becomes worth slightly less....prices go up. So by raising minimum wage, you would be making more money, but it would be worth less, perhaps even to the point that it is worth less than what you were making before it was increased. Another thing minimum wage accomplishes is to keep unskilled jobs wages low. Why should Best Buy pay more than $8.50 an hour for someone with a bachelors degree? They are already paying more than minimum wage and there are plenty of people who would love to make that much. Quite a quandry we have here. If only Adam Smith was still around to put us back on course (www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_hand).

I'm sure this makes total sense to all the liberals out there(minimum wage...not Adam Smith). I mean, we can always go deeper into debt paying for an education, so we dont have to take a job that pays minimum wage....so we can then earn more money, and pay more taxes to support the welfare state. Genius!

I wont get started on welfare or social security. The vein in my forehead is already throbbing.

New Direction

Ok, time to take this in a new direction. Maybe time for a new beginning. As an update, for everyone that missed it, my 18x contract is history because of my unsat airborne physical. I still want to join the Army though, and I've decided to try and go the officer route. The only things I need for my OCS packet at this point are the letters of reccomendation (3-6), and my handwritten and typed essay about why I want to be an Army Officer. Well, I have 2 letters of reccomendation and the essay is both typed and written, so one more letter of reccomendation and I'll be heading to the board, where I'll be interviewed by 3 officers. I've heard that this can be either a difficult experience, or just a formality....I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm confident I'll be accepted. After the board makes it's descision, I'll either be staying at Best Buy for life, or getting a new Ship date for the Warrior Transition Course down at Fort Knox. After the WTC comes OCS, then my Branch Officer Basic class, then a duty station.

Does this mean I've given up on SF? Not by a long shot. As soon as I make 1LT, I'll put together my SF packet and try and get a slot for SFAS. Hopefully the Docs on active duty will be more helpful as far as getting me medically qualified for airborne, or should I say un-disqualified for airborne. Who knows, maybe this is the path I'm meant to take. Maybe SF isnt in the cards for me at all, I can't say. I can say that I'll do everything I can to get there and succeed.

Great weekend...not so great week

So the weekend away was absolutely phenomenal. It really turned out to be everything I had hoped it would be. All we really did was hang out, sleep and read. Perfect. I attempted water skiing yet again...and ended up with a lake water colonic flushing instead. I also managed to lose my Oakley Half Jackets in the process.....but it was a blast none the less. TG and I got the quality time we needed together.

Upon our return, however, things have gotten akward. Before I go all nuts and start ranting about women, I'll make the disclaimer that a significant portion of the current difficulties are my fault. Here's the deal on that:

My parents recently split after 35 or 36 years of marriage. So for the past few months they have been making me play referee, and its gotten to point where I'm so emotionally drained from it, I get confused (emotionally) very easily. My father and I have had a difficult realtionship my entire life. He never really had much use for me. He never was there for me in the traditional sense...we never had any hallmark father/son moments. Not alot of nuturing going on there. In fact he used to beat the living shit out of me whenever he thought I deserved it, which was usually often. I'm not one to whine about a spanking....I actually believe in physical discipline as a teaching tool....as far as the fact that you cant use reason and logic with a child, they dont understand it. For example, you can tell a child not to touch a hot stove, because its hot and they will get burned, but odds are they are going to go ahead and touch it anyway...to test their boundaries. Its how we gain life experience. But you can bet that once they get burned the lesson will hit home. A small amount of physical pain is a great teacher. The military uses this in the form of pushups and various other excercises to discourage inappropriate behavior. It's a rather effective tool. My father, however took physical discipline far, far beyond simply teaching me about unpleasant consequences for my actions. There were bruises, welts, blood and smooshed noses involved usually. He used to hit me so hard he would break blood vessels in his own hand, but that wouldn't stop him, he just pick up something....a belt, or a 2x4, or whatever esle was handy and keep going untill he thought I'd had enough. The sickening thing, and the hardest part for me, is that to this day, he refuses to apologize or even acknowledge that he was wrong for doing that to me. In his mind he was totally justified because I was a "willfull" child. Now the thing you have to understand is that my father is not an aggressive man....he's not a drunk...He's never, ever, hit anyone else besides my mother in his entire life. He laughed at me when I told him I was going to try out for Special Forces. He told me I'd never make it, that I was too weak. He's never been in a fistfight, never stood up to anyone, and can't imagine hwo I do. I stopped speaking to him about a month ago, when he left my mother. I finally realized that I have absolutely no use for him. The down side to this wole thing is that he had told me he'd help me out financially untill I left for the Army. So when we stopped speaking he cut me off. Its fine, I mean I'm almost 30 years old, its about time I got off the tit and went and made my own way in the world anyway. But needless to say, my finances have added another source of stress. I havent had a job since I left the Navy, so by now my savings are almost all gone, and money is a worry.

My mother and I still speak, though. This situation isnt really any better than the one with my father though. She is hurt and afraid of what the future holds for her, and takes it out on me. If I ever get so bold as to disagree with her, I get to hear how much like my father I am. How I dont love her, and I dont car about her. She just uses tears instead of fists. I'd rather have the fists, personally. Physical pain goes away in a matter of moments, emotional abuse is a completely different animal. She preys on my worst fears. That somewhere down deep inside of me, I am like my father. What do you do with yourself when you realize you hate your family? It's a confusing situation.

Now TG tries her ass off to make me happy. She tried to make up for everything thats been done to me. When I have a shitty day she tries to make it better. She gets hurt when I dont respond right away, or when she doesnt get immediate results. She sometimes gets the brunt of my hurt. I've been pretty moody lately. What she doesnt realize is that its not the methods she uses to make me happier that work, its the fact that she cares at all. To have someone in my life that cares about me is more than I've ever had before. I've never been able to depend on anyone else for any kind of emotional support before, never in my life. It's confusing. She's usually victim to huge emotional outpourings, and unfortunately it just confuses her, and its more than she can handle sometimes. Sometimes I'm too short with her, and I dont take her feelings into account when I say somethings. It's not that I dont care about her feelings...I care about them more than anything else in the world....its that all my emotions are one huge, vile, vomitous mass inside me that all comes out at once. I havent learned how to separate everything I'm feeling yet...and when it wants out....its nothing more than a purging. I suppose I have a hard time dealing with everything in the right way. separating individual problems and dealing with them one at a time. In fact, I've made a habit out of not dealing with anything most of my life. I dont run from my problems, I just refuse to acknowledge them, I try to drive on and hope that tomorrow will be better. It's not effective.

On to happier news. Best Buy offered me a full time position, which I accepted. I now get full medical benefits and a raise to $8.50. wow. Try not to be impressed.

Headed for the Hills

I'm heading up to the Adirondacks for the weekend again, this time with The Girl, for what *should* be a Drama free weekend. She finally has almost an entire weekend off! Holy Smokes! It will be a good time just to hang out and spend time together away from everyone....and NO CELL PHONES! She is in desperate need of a rest, so hopefully She can catch up on her sleep and reading and we can just enjoy the scenery.

I'm pleased to offer my congratulations to JakeCommando and Shamrock7 on successfully completing their internship at the slap factory. They are both one step closer to the getting their tabs.

Thats all for now...back Sunday Night!

A Death in the Family

Unfortunately, I suffered a crippling personal loss recently. My beloved iPod gave up the ghost :( . I was happily listening to some tunes when it just up and died. On the screen, only a sad face with 2 x's for eyes could be seen. After visiting apples tech support website and unsuccessfully attempting to restore it, I asked The Girl to take it with her to the mall, so that the Bozo's at the apple store there could take a shot at it. Unfortunately, they were unable to resurrect my faithful companion. Nothing to be done. Pain and Anguish.

The worst part about it is that the iPod mini (my model) has been replaced by the iPod Nano, so they aren't really producing them anymore. Like the good little consumer I am, I purchashed all the accessories for it, thinking we'd be together forever. So now Im stuck with an iTrip mini and a dock for the Mini, and a remote control......and no iPod mini. Ebay might be the answer.

God only knows when I'll be able to get a new one... they dont come cheap. So I remain Tuneless for the time being...chained like a slave to my home stereo...*Sob*

1000+ hits

Wow, my blog has over 1000 views. Pretty cool! Apparently people out in the blogosphere are reading it. Hopefully they are enjoying it!

If you have left a comment, but you dont see your own blog linked on the right...its because I'm a Lazy Bastard! Rest assured that I will get around to linking you, Im reading all the blogs of the people that leave comments, and I'm really enjoying them.

In other news...I finally Broke 250,000 points in Geometry Wars. For those of you not in the know...its a game on Xbox Live Arcade, probably my Favorite game on the Xbox 360 so far, although Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter is running a close second. Im kinda burned out on Halo 2, but I cant wait for Halo 3! Since it looks like I'll be around for the Gears Of War release, I'm trying to organize a release Party!! Most likely to be held at my Apartment...if I'm still living here in November. I have 2 humongous Televisions for the event, a 30" widescreen and a 36 inch standard aspect ratio T.V. all lined up, so if you want to come enjoy some gaming, pizza and beer...drop me a line and I'll let you know the particulars. You can even be involved from home if you have an Xbox Live account. Send me your Gamertag and I'll send you a friend request and you can be a "virtual" guest at the premiere party.

Enough geek talk though, on to news about the Army. My struggles continue. I have decided that in the event of my not passing the Airborne Physical a second time, that I will submit an officer package. I've already started working on one....at least the gathering up of the 3-6 Letters of Reccomendation I'll need for my package. I'm planning on shooting for Infantry as my branch, although my recruiter seems to think that I'll get the M.I. branch because of my clearance and experience. It shouldnt matter much because everything I have been told concerning SFAS says that the Branch doesn't matter, but I'd like Infantry if I can get it. I think it would give me my best shot at SFAS, and most likely the kind of experience I'll need to be successful there. My training is continuing, albeit at a slower pace now that I'm not leaving in September. My calluses are in rough shape...still all split apart and bleeding...kinda gross...but toughening up all the same.


Thats it for now...I'll post more as it happens!