Time for another post

Well, I figured it was time for another post. One thing I didn't anticipate about waiting so long between graduation and OSUT is just how BORED I'd be. It's getting to the point where I'm seriously thinking about asking to leave early, even though I'm not physically ready. But physical readiness aside, I'm not mentally ready either. I keep having these horrible thoughts that I've made a big mistake and I'm going to wind up pumping gas, mowing lawns, and changing the oil in Humvee's for the next 5 years. Probably not what I should be thinking. I posted a while ago about not contemplating failure...but it seems like all I can think about lately. Maybe it's best to get these thoughts out of my head now, rather than during the process. This feeling of uncertainty is not something I still want to be wrestling with when I leave. It's not like I dont have other options of this doesnt work out...I have my degree...I can apply for OCS, with the way the Officer situation is in the Army right now, there's a pretty good chance I'd get selected. I'm also a school trained Arabic Linguist....I'm sure thats got to be worth something.....maybe going to do language maintenance will get me out of mowing lawns and changing oil. I hope my little back up plans don't turn into excuses for quitting. My main goal throughout this process is to do my best, and not to quit. Obviously that may not be enough, but at least I'll be able to say I tried. Even if I dont get to wear the tab, maybe I have a talent that will at least let me work with the SF guys. I believe in what they do, not just the kicking in doors and the rough stuff, but the winning of hearts and minds aspect of it. I guess its not really that I won't succede in SF that really worries me, I'm afraid I wont be a good soldier. Truth be told, I wasn't a good sailor. I wasn't a good Linguist...as far as the other linguists were concerned. I did do my mission very well...I was a good operator. I recently got in touch with another linguist I used to work with, and he really paid me a complement about the way I did my job. It's nice to be remebered for doing a good job. If I look at this in a different light, maybe I'm actually more afraid of success than failure. Deep down in my gut, I really question wether or not I have the aptitude to be a good SF soldier. I mean...this is the real deal. People will be depending on me...it's definately not playtime, one mistake can get someone killed. This is true for any unit I might go to, but especially in SF. I hope I'm equal to the task, It's certainly intimidating.

In happier news, I saw a cool special about the 10th mountain division last night. Being from pretty close to Fort Drum, it was really neat to see what those guys do. I'd definately be proud to serve in that unit. I also saw that they have a language center up there. I'm going to ask my recruiter if he can maybe get me access to it, or even enrolled in one of the classes. I definately need to practice up on my language skills. When I go to help people build a country, it will certainly be helpful if I speak the Language!