14:56

Finally! I finally did my daily Ruck route in under 15 minutes! This a a small victory for me becasue I have been getting frustrated with not being able to do it. The route I travel is all along main roads, so I'm on pavement the whole time, and I'm only carrying 35 lbs...conditions will never be this perfect again, so not being able to hit the 15 minute/mile pace has been getting on my nerves. Now that I have done it, I need to be able to do it consistantly....my next goal is to do 15 min./mile every time for the next 3 marches, then I'm going to to set another goal of 14:30 or faster. Baby steps. I'm also planning on upping the distance and weight this week.

I finally recieved the copy of "Get Selected" I ordered today. I've looked through it and it has ALOT of good information. It's a great resource. I've also been looking at the forums on professionalsoldiers.com and reading every post I can. With access to so much information, I really have no excuses. I have all the information I need to not only succeed, but to do well. I reccomend anyone who is considering Special Forces, to visit warrior-mentor.com to get a copy of Get Selected, airborneranger.com, and professionalsoldiers.com. Even if you are not considering a career in SF, but in the military in general, there is alot of good advice to be found at these places.

8 Mile

Well, I did my 8 mile ruck last night, and I have to say it went well. I'm still not carrying enough weight or going fast enough, or probably even far enough....but it's a beginning. It wasn't even really that bad. I am getting tired of walking on pavement though...it really starts to hurt my feet. Anyway, my little trip ended at a friends beach house on the lake, man it was nice to go for a swim after that. I ended up camping out on their deck, I really enjoyed listening to water all night. There was also a great breeze blowing out in from the lake, so it was nice and cool. All in all a very pleasant experience, but I am sore today. The abrasion on my hip has definately gotten worse..its all weepy and sticks to the waistband of pants...so every time I move it rips the scab off again...grrr....that gets old fast! I had a Guiness to celebrate the end of my trip, and its a good thing we only had 1 each because it tasted waaaaay too good. Its been a while since I really got into it with a few Guiness, and last night it really would have been welcome. Oh well, I guess I should stick to water anyway. Oh before I forget...my total time was 2:23 for the 8 miles, and I carried ~35lbs. just for the record!

Every step is a victory

I took yesterday off because my lower back was getting upset with me, but did another march today and added 10 pounds. It feels good to be doing something. One thing I've noticed is that the first mile is the hardest, getting used to the ruck, finding my pace, getting a good sweat going. After that though...it actually starts to feel good. I'm not quite going fast enough yet, but I am getting faster every day. I'm doing about a 15:30 per mile pace, I want to get that down to around 14:00, with more weight over a longer distance. I think that Im going to stop adding weight at the 60lb mark. I've read on several site's that anything more is asking for an injury. just over 10 weeks until I ship out, so I have to train aggressively. I'm surprised that I'm not losing weight! I'm still at 205 lbs. despite all the running around I'm doing. Maybe thats a good thing. Anyway, I have noticed that I have a really positive attitude when I'm excercising, it's mainly when I'm laying in bed at night that the doom and gloom comes. I suppose that has alot to do with the endorphines released during the excercises. I suppose the solution is more excercise! Tomorrow I'm doing just over 8 miles. My dad and I are going to a friends beach house and spending the night there. Its not really much of a beach house...more like a very spartan cabin, but I'm marching all the way up there, and probably back as well. I'll be taking the EMS for this one instead of the Ruck, my goal for time is just over 2 hours. We'll see what happens.

Shoulders lament.

So for the last 4 days or so, I have been doing 5 miles a day with 30 pounds in my Rucksack. First day was easy.....I thought I needed more weight! Next day was a little tougher....and today was the toughest yet. Im really starting to feel it in my legs and especially in my shoulders. It REALLY feels good to be doing it though, I finally feel like I have a little direction. My confidence improves with every mile I put behind me. One cool thing about it is that I've been able to spend alot more time with my Dad. He rides his Bike along next to me and we get to talk. He has decided to be my coach, this is both good and bad but mostly good. He was shocked, to put it mildly when I enlisted in the Navy, and I think he came close to a heart attack when I enlisted in the Army. Especially when I told him I decided to try out for Special Forces. I have been reading and lurking around a few forums, mainly www.airborneranger.com and www.professionalsoldiers.com and getting all the info I can on what I should be doing to get ready. Today I showed him some of the posts concerning Rucking and SFAS at professional soldiers and he sort of panicked. I guess he thought I was making it all up..haha. He got a little upset and at one point said to me "After you go through all this, you're not going to be the same person." That actually bothered me. I have been thinking about that all night in fact and I've drawn a few conclusions. Yes. It will change me. Hopefully not to the point where I'm not the same person, but to the point where I finally realize my full potential. All my life I've been told how much potential I have, and up to this point, I haven't really done much with it. Thats a big part of wanting to go through this for me. Finally seeing what my limits are. Surpassing the status quo. I dont want to be a different person. I want to be all I can be. Does that sound familiar? That used to be the Army's old slogan, before the current "Army of One". I like it better. In fact, I'm not sure what is meant by "An Army of One". Maybe it was developed to appeal to the younger generation, who are so individualistic. I dont really know.

Onto other things... I had some comments from some guys that are current Special Forces soldiers, or have all ready made it through the Q course. They really helped. It's amazing how much an encouraging word from someone who has already been through it can pick up my spirits. It really motivates me to want to be a part of that group.

More Inspiration

"Every good Citizen makes his country's honor his own, and cherishes it not only as precious, but as sacred. He is willing to risk his life in its defense and is concious that he gains protection while he gives it." Andrew Jackson

Somewhere, a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food and water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon and he made his own web gear. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about "how hard it is"; he knows he either wins or he dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home. He knows only The Cause.

Still want to quit?

Inspirational Quotes

So I've decided to start posting any little bit of Inspirational material that comes my way. It cant hurt to have a good quote in your bag of tricks! I'll start with one from George Orwell:

People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

In my favorite book of late, Starship Troopers, by Robert Heinlein; when the protagonist, johnnie is in boot camp, he gets a letter from one of his highschool teachers, who is a veteran. In the message there is a line that reads "The Noblest fate that a man can endure is to place his own mortal body between his loved home and the war's desolation".

I thought this was a great phrase. It's a great book, I've read it about 5 times in the last few months. Well, I guess thats all for now. Somebody leave a comment or something.

Words of Wisdom

Attitudes are Forerunners of Conditions

So in my last post, I talked about mental readiness, and how my self confidence level is pretty low at this point. In an odd twist of fate, while cleaning out my wallet today, I found a fortune from a chinese restaurant I went to in Boston while visiting my Sister. It said "Attitudes are Forerunners of Conditions". It struck me as rather appropriate. I need to quit worrying about all the things that can go wrong, and focus on making things go right. Finding the motivation within myself to be successful starts with the right mindset. Not exactly profound, but like I said before, this blog is about my own personal journey towards Special Forces. Perhaps I'm being too honest and open about all this.

On to happier things, I just discovered another good SF blog from a guy who's just finishing up the medic course. http://shamrockrant.blogspot.com I think this guy is pretty funny, If I knew in person, we'd hang out. And with a handle like shamrock, he must be at least part Irish, so he's ok by default.

Time for another post

Well, I figured it was time for another post. One thing I didn't anticipate about waiting so long between graduation and OSUT is just how BORED I'd be. It's getting to the point where I'm seriously thinking about asking to leave early, even though I'm not physically ready. But physical readiness aside, I'm not mentally ready either. I keep having these horrible thoughts that I've made a big mistake and I'm going to wind up pumping gas, mowing lawns, and changing the oil in Humvee's for the next 5 years. Probably not what I should be thinking. I posted a while ago about not contemplating failure...but it seems like all I can think about lately. Maybe it's best to get these thoughts out of my head now, rather than during the process. This feeling of uncertainty is not something I still want to be wrestling with when I leave. It's not like I dont have other options of this doesnt work out...I have my degree...I can apply for OCS, with the way the Officer situation is in the Army right now, there's a pretty good chance I'd get selected. I'm also a school trained Arabic Linguist....I'm sure thats got to be worth something.....maybe going to do language maintenance will get me out of mowing lawns and changing oil. I hope my little back up plans don't turn into excuses for quitting. My main goal throughout this process is to do my best, and not to quit. Obviously that may not be enough, but at least I'll be able to say I tried. Even if I dont get to wear the tab, maybe I have a talent that will at least let me work with the SF guys. I believe in what they do, not just the kicking in doors and the rough stuff, but the winning of hearts and minds aspect of it. I guess its not really that I won't succede in SF that really worries me, I'm afraid I wont be a good soldier. Truth be told, I wasn't a good sailor. I wasn't a good Linguist...as far as the other linguists were concerned. I did do my mission very well...I was a good operator. I recently got in touch with another linguist I used to work with, and he really paid me a complement about the way I did my job. It's nice to be remebered for doing a good job. If I look at this in a different light, maybe I'm actually more afraid of success than failure. Deep down in my gut, I really question wether or not I have the aptitude to be a good SF soldier. I mean...this is the real deal. People will be depending on me...it's definately not playtime, one mistake can get someone killed. This is true for any unit I might go to, but especially in SF. I hope I'm equal to the task, It's certainly intimidating.

In happier news, I saw a cool special about the 10th mountain division last night. Being from pretty close to Fort Drum, it was really neat to see what those guys do. I'd definately be proud to serve in that unit. I also saw that they have a language center up there. I'm going to ask my recruiter if he can maybe get me access to it, or even enrolled in one of the classes. I definately need to practice up on my language skills. When I go to help people build a country, it will certainly be helpful if I speak the Language!

Another one bites the dust

Well, today U.S. Special Operations Forces whacked Al-Zarqawi....the Al-Qaida's number 2 honcho. I can't say that I feel either good or bad about this. I mean, I'm sure that its a good thing as far as the war on terror goes, but I think its wrong to celebrate the death of another human being. Every time an IED goes off or some nutjob suicide bombs himself and a bunch of other innocent bystanders, those crazy fuckers get all riled up and dance around and praise god. What a bunch of crap. As I get closer to leaving for OSUT, I've been trying to come to grips with some of the fears I have. Part of that process is really deciding what your afraid of. I guess another fear I have (besides needles and jumping out of airplanes) is of people who celebrate the death of another human being. Or celebrate the death of anything for cruelty's sake. I'm also afraid of anyone who would seriously try and tell me that God wants me to kill for him, and anyone who believes that nonsense.

I was trying to explain to someone the other day why I joined the Army, and during the course of the conversation she said " I know your not afraid to die". Well....I immediately corrected her. I am afraid of dying, it's really not something I want to do. In the end though, we're all going to die, I just want my death to mean something. I would rather die helping others, wether it be fellow soliders, or people trying to build a country they can feel good about. I really believe that what we're doing in Iraq will one day make the world a better, safer place. I hope one day to have children, and I sincerely hope they dont have to deal with all the bullshit that's going on now.

Another reason I decided to join the Army is that I was tired of defending the war. I'm tired of arguing with people about wether or not we should be in Iraq. I feel, of course, that we should. Let me tell you, its much easier to feel that way in a college class room than in a foxhole. So I decided to put my money where my mouth is. If I really believed in the cause, I thought, I should do more than just talk about it.

Sorry for the profanity tonight....it's the former Sailor in me coming to the surface ;)

Back home

So I'm finally back from my travel's, at least for the time being. I had such a good time in Boston that I really want to head out there again as soon as I can. So today marked the beginning of my Physical Training. I've been walking all over with that stupid Ruck Sack for a few weks now, and trying to watch what I eat because I need to lose a little weight. Well, I guess I dont need to, but I think it would help alot. So today I got together with my recruiter and we did some PT, pretty basic stuff, push ups, sit ups, flutter kicks, etc. Then came the running.....thats when I really decided I was in trouble. I've never been a fast runner anyway, but the past few years of sitting on the couch sure havent helped me. I ran about 2 miles in 17 minutes, which is a great pace...if your running 5 miles, not so great for a 2 mile run. On the up side...If I was a female....I'd be well within army standards. Oh well, I'm sure that by the time September rolls around, I'll be a little quicker. In fact, I think I have to be a little quicker to even get out of reception and into boot camp proper. My goal is to be able to run the 2 miles in under 15 minutes...14 minutes would be ideal. I think that will give me enough points to not have to worry about making it into selection. I also need to improve my push ups and sit ups a little, but not nearly as much as I need to improve my run. As it sits now, I can pass everything but the run in my age group. The problem is that I need to be able to pass in the 17-20 year old age group.I figure if I can max push ups and sit ups..then I really only need to pass the run ( get the 60 points ). All in all, I feel ok about where I am now because I have a few months to continue to get ready.

On a happier note...I really did have a great time in Boston! I do beleive it had more to do with the company I kept than the location. My sister is really lucky...she has some cool friends. Actually, Im not sure lucky is the right word. She's worked very hard for the past few years, and now she's enjoying the rewards. Im really impressed with her and what she's accomplished. She's kinda my hero now.

Travelling

Ok, so I havent posted for a few weeks, part of the reason for that is because I had been really busy with finals and getting ready to graduate. I'm proud to say, that I am now a college graduate! Alot of people ask me why I would go back into the enlisted ranks now that I've finished my degree, and the main reason is that the 18x program is only for enlisted guys. In retrospect, finishing my college degree was more a matter of personal pride for me. I just wanted to be a college graduate. I graduated from a good school and a challenging course of study, and again, I'm pretty proud of that.
Another reason for not posting in so long is because I have been travelling. I drove down to Washington, D.C. for few days, then back home, then to Boston to visit my sister. I've been here in Boston now for almost a week, and so far we're having a blast! It's good to be able to spend some quality time with my sister and meet some of her friends. Anyway, I shall try and be more dilligent about posting in the future!