The Aftermath

Aaaaah Harbor Fest.....another one comes to a close. This year I actually took it easy and my involvement in the debauchery was kept to a minimum. This is a good thing. The Girl came up for the Firewirks and got to meet some of my Bro's. I suppose that was somewhat of an eye-opening experience for her. It usually is for most people, haha. It can be a little overwhelming, but she was a real trooper and managed to have a good time I think. The drunken Fraternity house is not really her scene....which is not a bad thing at all. I guess I should give a little explanation:

Every year, Playboy Magazine ranks colleges for their performnace as party schools. This year SUNY Oswego wasn't ranked because Playboy deemed it unfair to rank the Professionals at Oswego against Amateurs. Now amp that up by a factor of 10 and you have an idea of what life can be like during Harbor Fest around the Fraternity house. Hehe....That really says something about how we do business here. Fortunately ( or maybe unfortunately ) as my 30th Birthday approaches, I find myself less drawn to the usual attractions (booze and girls), and more drawm to just spending time with old friends. I saw a few guys I pledged with, 10 years ago now, and it's great to see that they are doing well, and for the most part happy with their lives.

It was really nice to able to take The Girl to the Fireworks. Every year, the Nuke plant ( we actually have 3 reactors within 9 miles!) pays the Grucci Brothers about a million dollars ( I think that number is right, but who knows?) for the Fireworks. The really cool thing about that is that they are launched from break wall in the harbor, which is about 75 yards directly behind the Fraternity house. Its pretty spectacular to climb up on the roof and watch them from there...right in your face! Its a priceless experience and one I'm really glad I got to share with someone important to me.

We had some pretty severe weather during the day, so I didn't get to spend much time with my recruiter at the Army booth. I'm slightly bummed about that. My recruiter has really done alot to help me out in my journey into the Army, and I'd like to give him a hand whenever possible. In my opinion he has really gone above and beyond duty as far as everything he's done for me. I think he probably has the toughest job in the Army!

Back to Harbor Fest news....I had several "house guests" this weekend, thanks to the roomate. I really dont mind that at all, except when they drool on my damn Micro-fiber throw pillows!!!! That kinda irritated me, but I guess it was bound to happen. Small price to pay for the amount of fun I had.

Harbor Fest and Best Buy

So today marks the beginning of the yearly event known around these parts as Harbor Fest! Always a good time. I get to catch up with some of my Fraternity Brothers that I dont get see nearly often enough, the beer flows freely and there is an absolutely spectacular fireworks show. I'll be working at the Army recruiting booth during the day, trying to encourage other folks to join up and fight the good fight. At night however, I will be enjoying the nice cold beer and good company the occasion brings.

Since I most likely wont be shipping in September, as I had planned, I decided it was past time I got a job. There is a new Best Buy store opening in August, so I filled out an application and got hired there today. The pay is Garbage, but it will let me stretch out my savings untill I can either get cleared medically for 18x, or my officer package is finished and I find out if I'll be going to OCS. Either way I'm a winner. The funny thing about the Best Buy interview was that they had no idea what to make of my resume. The guy doing the interview actually asked me what Cryptology was....jeez...how do you explain that? They also flipped out over my degree. They are getting one hell of an educated employee for $8.25 an hour...part time. They brought up management training more than once, and I pretended to be interested.....I need the job. In the meantime though, I'll be selling high end home theater equipment. The store I'll be working at is a "Magnolia" store, and targets a more upscale demographic. We actually did case studies on Best Buy in school, specifically the way they cater the contents of the stores to target certain demographics. I mentioned this to the interviewer and he almost cried tears of joy that someone understood the concept. I guess most people just ask what the fuck a "magnolia" store is. I see a very large, thin, high definition telelvision thanks to a pretty sweet employee discount in my near future.

I talked to a civilian doctor about my ears and he said that sometimes the timpanic membrane doesn't move when your ears pop. He had some fancy term for the parts of your ears and explained the whole thing to me, but the proper terminology escapes me. Basically it means that if the timpanic membrane doesnt move so the MEP's doctor can see it, I'm kinda screwed, but it doesnt mean there's anything wrong with my ears...which I already knew.... Unfortunately the only note can provide is one that says something to effect of "everyone's phsyiology is different and they should take my word for it that my ears pop". I dont think that is going to carry much weight, I'm kind of under the impression that if they were going to take my word for it they would have done so during my temper tantrum at MEP's.

Another Minor annoyance is the fact that they want me to take the DLAB again. GRRRRRRR! I am already a DOD certified Linguist, in Arabic. I brought all my diplomas and transcripts from the DLI to MEP's with me, in addition to my training record that has my previous DLAB score on it. I also brought my most recent DLPT test results with me (they are almost 2 years old now). I was fortunate enough to be able to attend JLTC Ogden's refresher class in August of 04 when I was in the Navy Reserves and I scored a 2/1+, which surpasses the SF language requirements. Not to mention that the DLPT is given in Modern Standard Arabic(MSA), which isnt a spoken language (every country/region has its own dialect). I also brought my Iraqi Dialect training sertificate with me to wave around. I was also trained in Levantine (Syrian) dialect. I spent the majority of my time on active duty working with the Iraqi/Gulf dialects and I'm quite profficient in them, much more so than in MSA. I've had Oral Proficiency Interviews (OPI's) in Iraqi/Gulf Dialect when I was considering the contractor route, but no documented scores for them. This is totally a minor irritation, but it ruffles my feathers all the same. If anyone has ever taken the DLAB, you'll understand. Its a test that Guages your ability to learn a foriegn language. Its not given in any real foriegn language...just some funny symbols that are representative of a foriegn language. A very weird test....destined to give me a helluva headache.

More updates as news happens...I'm pretty much in a state of Limbo untill I can figure out whats going on.

Unsat Airborne Physical

So yesterday I went to MEP's to have my ears looked at for my Airborne Physical. It did not go well. Apparently the doc there, who closely resembled Yoda, didn't see an movement in my timpanic membrane when I popped my ears. Now, before I get all crazy I need to mention that while I was on active duty in the Navy, I got damn near every physical for special duty they had. I had to in order to accept Direct Support Orders. I've had subsurface and flight physicals within the past 3 years, and never had a problem before. Needless to say, this puts a damper on any of my Plans in the Army. The 18X contract is almost as good as gone, I'm going to try and schedule another Airborne Physical, but I'm not very hopeful that the doc's vision will improve. I know I have been talking alot about going the officer route....but Airborne is an important qual to have for promotion in any Combat Arms Officer branch, it has from what I hear become fairly essential to career progression past Captain. So that leaves non-Combat Arms Branches. Not really what I'm looking for. It goes without saying that I have no shot at SFAS without a SAT Airborne Physical. Something tells me that an Active Duty Army doc would be able to see that my ears are fine, so hopefully, If I do lose my 18X contract, get accepted to OCS, and get a Combat Arms branch, I will then be able to pass an Airborne Physical.

I know I have been griping alot about things lately....I've been nervous, and when I get nervous I tend to bitch alot....but I never thought that I wouldn't be physically qualified for SF. I've never even had an ear infection. This is a major setback! It's definately discouraging. I keep faith that things will work out though.

The Fear of Failure

So maybe the officer thing is just me chickening out. I'm not sure. As my ship date approaches...I cant help feeling that I am woefully under prepared. My run time is still is still garbage, and my push-ups and sit-ups are weak to put it mildly. Drama on the home front with my parents has me thinking of everything but selection, I cant seem to keep my head in the game at all lately. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws here. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck out in the middle of the ocean, treading water...and my arms are getting tired. Too much going on right now for me to handle. I start thinking that if I cant even handle life as a civilian, how the hell am I going to make it through selection? How the hell am I even going to make it TO selection? Im not even sure I can make it into BAC at this point. I'm weak, and apparently not just physically. These traits are not compatible with the Special Forces.

I'm writing all this down and blogging about it to get it all out my head. Everytime I try to sit down and relax and actually think about things...my mind is all over the place. Writing about it helps. It helps me organize my thoughts...bring order to chaos.

The girl situation is up and down, back and forth. I put too much pressure on her I think. All this mess with my family just makes me want to start my own family, one that works. So instead of just enjoying our last few weeks together, she gets to see me all wound up and emotional, thinking about the future instead of living in the present. I know she cares about me, probably too much for her own good at this point. She's so concerned about me being happy she worries herself sick, and with everything else going on in her life, she really can't afford to be doing that. A source of confusion and worry is not the role I want to play in her life. I keep talking about our future together, and she's not ready to hear that. I try to remind myself that its a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes it helps, other times it doesn't. Timing sucks on this one. I think Im losing an opportunity at something great. I'm torn. Keep goign the SF route? Or look for something more stable and take a gamble that a relationship with her doesnt work out. I want to set us up for success, I want to do everything I can to give a chance at a relationship with her the best possible odds. I know that a Green Beret and SF tab on my shoulder wouldn't make me feel any better about losing her.

So on to the OCS thing. OCS has been a goal of mine since I was in the Navy. I got out of the Navy to pursue my degree specifically for that reason. I had planned on submitting an OCS package after this enlistment anyway. I'll have 11 years in at that point, and I might as well gut out another 9 and retire at 43...not too shabby. So in 9 years, I figure I'll have to be at least a Captain, and their retirement is a hell of alot better than any enlisted man's anyway. Might as well capitalize right? Might as well make better money along the way too. Officers lead a way better style of life...but it's so much more political...and I fucking hate that. Pro's and Con's to everything.

I guess in the end it all boils down to me being afraid. Im not afraid of physical pain or discomfort, I'm afraid of failing and ending up hating my life stuck in some infantry unit in Korea. I'm afraid I'll never get to start a family. I'll never get to be the father mine should have been to me. I think I should hire a life coach or something.

Can Anyone tell me why I dont want to be an Officer?

So I was looking at the FY 2006 pay scale today. Since I'm going in to the Army as a Specialist (E4), I thought I would see how much I can expect to get paid. As it turns out....it aint much....at all. I have to start payments on my student loans in the very near future, since I didnt qualify for any tuition repayment, or enlistment bonuses. I didnt even get the Bonus for having my degree. So lets use a little deductive reasoning.

Q: Why did I bother to pay $30,000 to get my degree
A: In order to make a better living

Q: What does an E4 with >6 make in an Army of one?
A: 2018.40 before taxes

Q: What Does an O1E make with >6 in an Army of One?
A: 3246.30 before taxes

So theres a pretty big disparity in monetary compensation there. I can tell you all one thing definitively, I did not get my degree to go be poor and not be able to pay my bills. I didnt do it so that everything I own could rot in storage while I wait to make E7, or get married so I can get BAH.

I have said before that I didnt enlist as an 18X for the money. There's more to life than money, than the pursuit of money. Its not like Im going to get rich as an officer either, but at least I'd be able to pay my debts. I can go SF as an officer as well. I dont know. I dont know why I got a degree in management if I wasn't going to take a job with a leadership position. Would I be of more use as an officer or a specialist? There are so many things to consider.

Back to it

So I finally got to see a Doctor yesterday. He pretty much confirmed that I had hives, and he didnt know why either. Brilliant. Great way to spend $220. It wasnt a total loss though, some good did come of that visit....but I wont eleaborate here...hehe. Anyway, got back to rucking yesterday, and managed a decent pace. 2.5 miles, 45 lbs., 38:53. Still a little light and slow, but not bad for my first day back after a long break. I managed to shred apart both of my hard earned calluses, so my heels are once again a bloody mess. Maybe the new calluses will be better. I bought some DR. Scholls Blister treatment, basically kinda like an "invisible" bandage you slap on it and forget about...allegedly it will fall off by itself when its over. I dunno about that, but what I do know is that these suckers work! No pain from blisters at all when wearing one of these. a pretty sweet deal if I do say so myself.

Nothing much to else to say except that my day started off right...still smiling....the sun is shining....and I've got some walking to do

Who Dares, Wins

I've come to see recently exactly how true this is. It's the motto of the British SAS, and I can see the truth of it when I apply it to my own life. I have been thinking alot about success lately, and what constitutes it. I have slowly come to realize that success lies within the effort. That there is no such thing as failure if you really try, if you give 100%. It's the giving of 100% that's the hard part. The natural reaction for humans to pain is to stop whats causing the pain. To listen to that little voice in your head that is telling you to stop. It starts out as a whisper at first...just a small voice that tells you that you might want to think about a rest soon, to take a break, regroup. As you go on it becomes more and more persistant, untill finally it is screaming at you that you absolutely, positively cannot go on, that you cannot deal with it any longer. It's what you do when you reach that point that matters. Do you shut that voice out? Scream back at it to shut up, that you CAN go on, and that nothing can stop you? Or do you listen to it, let it convince you that you really can't, that the whole thing was a stupid idea, a fantasy. Do you allow yourself to be beaten, by your own inner voice? I will never regret choosing this path as long as when it get to that point, I can beat back that voice, I can drive on, push through it and persevere. Sometimes I think that I am the luckiest man in the world. I have the opportunity now to pursue all my dreams. I have people in my life who encourage me, tell me I can, mentor me, inspire me. Right now in my life, there is alot of....intensity. Sometimes I wish everything was simpler....easier, smoother. Then I remember that the success of my endeavors lies within the effort I put in to them. I shouldn't run from intensity or difficutly....I should embrace it. It is good to feel. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed....there is so much going on...so many challenges to face, and changes to adapt to. I realized that thats why I choose this path. To avoid the stagnation that comes from not changing, not adapting, from accepting things the way they are, and never putting up a fight or taking a stand. The only way the world will ever know you existed is if you defy it. If you take a stand and savagely fight for what you want. To defy what others "expect" of you, and decide what you expect from yourself. In the end....its your own face you look at in the mirror. I am determined to be able to that with my shoulders back and my chin high. This isn't just about SFAS, or the Army, it's about everything in my life right now. See? Luckiest man alive!

The Hives continue

Still have Hives, I'm beginning to wonder if thats what it really is at all. Maybe it's some kind of infection. I have no clue. The benadryl isnt touching them anymore...no effect at all, but it makes me sleepy...so I've pretty much just been wandering around in a drug induced haze. I'm going to make a doctors appt. monday and see when they can get me in for some blood work....maybe they will be able to tell me whats wrong. In other weird news, the tips of the first two fingers on my left hand are all numb and tingly...and my middle right finger as well....I have no idea what could be causing that to happen. weird. I'm a little scared to go see a doctor though, what if he tells me it's something that could DQ me from Special Forces? What the hell will I do then? I've kinda been hoping it would clear up on its own, but since that isnt happening, I guess I have no choice, cross your fingers! The foot feels good though!

I have managed to go a full 2 days without a ciggarette. It's not easy, but hey...I might need my lungs in the near future. Maybe it will even help with my run time. I'm still trying to lose some weight, I think that Lighter is Faster too. The sooner I dont have to run around carry all this blubber the better. Maybe it will make my Ruck feel a little lighter as well.

I have to run to the mall today for a couple items. I need a new headphones for my iPod, the original ones finally gave up the ghost...sound like crap! I'm also picking up a little gift for someone. ooooh....secret. I also have to go back to the sunglass hut and see if they will give me the right bag for new Oakleys I bought for my mom yesterday. She saw my Crosshairs a while ago and really like them, so I bought her a pair, and she lost them. Oh well. I thought it would be nice to get her another pair to replace them. The problem is that I was so doped up I wasn't paying any attention when the girl at the store gave me the wrong bag! The crosshairs need one of the large bags with a white string, she gave me a small bag with a black string. WTF! to make matters worse, it had all kinds of parts for a different pair of glasses in it. I guess she didnt notice that when she was trying to jam the new glasses into a bag that was too small. Oh well.

There goes my Hero

So I thought today I would post a little about some of the other Blogs I read. Jake Commando and Shamrock7 are off to the "slap factory", it's their last hurdle before they both earn their Tab's. These are the guys I want to be. These are the guys I look up to. Anyway, enough Hero worship. I have surprisingly little news today, I'm still covered in hives....they dont itch though...just looks bad....dunno what the deal is there. In my training related news, I've been an absolute Lazy Ass for 3 days now....Hives or not....its time to get to it...I have a few days to make up for now. On the upside, I think the Blister Boots are finally broken in, or at least they dont hurt anymore. Sweet.

I love the taste of shoe leather

Open mouth, Insert foot. Right. Anyway...today I am covered in Hives....from what Im not sure, I think the girls at Dunkin Donuts poisoned me with Equal today instead of my normal Splenda. I didnt even know that I was allergic to Equal, but I'm not sure what else it could be. Good news on the foot front, I was having some pain in the top of my left foot.. from my big toe back to my ankle. I was afraid that I was getting a stress fracture, but today it feels much better. Since I'm sitting today out due to my Hives, that gives me 2 whole days without a Ruck...I dont know if I like that. I know I dont in fact. Oh well, time spent preventing an injury now will hopefully pay off. Since I'm off today, I figured I'd make up a little list of Bad-Ass schools I'd like to go to if I'm successful at SFAS and the Q course.


1) Special Operations Target Interdiction Course (SOTIC). As I understand it, this is basically a Special Ops "sniper" course. I've always wanted to do something like this. Im not necessarily into the whole 1 shot, 1 kill mentality....I hope I never have to kill anyone. I just want to learn to be sneaky. And being able to shoot from from far away and hit stuff would be cool. Its definately a neat sounding school.

2) Special Forces SCUBA course. I like the water, I always have..and the New Combat Diver badge looks cool.

3) Military Free Fall school (MFF) - whats that you say? I'm scared shitless of the BASIC Airborne course? Why would I want to go to HALO school? well, thats a good question. I dont know. I should do stuff that scares me. Face my fears and conquer them. Overcome. Its another challenging school, and the MFF badge is even cooler than the Combat Diver Badge!

4) Ranger School- What Infantryman couldn't benefit from attending ranger school? Especially since I wont have a chance to build a strong Infantry background before SFAS, I think this school is essential to my success. I should go to Ranger School before I go to SFAS. Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait. I do feel that attending ranger school would make me a better, more proficient soldier.

I suppose that any and oll of these schools will make me a better soldier. And thats what I really want to be.

Official Retraction

Ok, I've decided to print an official retraction concerning the Female Situation. Sarah...this is for you.

Yes, I have been having a few whiney posts about my love life lately. Its not supposed to be what this blog is about, its supposed to be about my transformation from zero to hero. I have been totally focused on this whole SF process, to the point that I have tuned everything else in my life out. My parents impending divorce...all of it. It was a huge descision to give up on trying to nurse my parents through this. I've ALWAYS been close with my parents, it is only through their love and support that I have met with any of the success I have enjoyed so far. I thought that if I was going to be successful at SFAS, I had to give up everything else. And I did, sometimes I'm ashamed of that, but I felt it was time that I finally really and truely left the nest, and began my own journey through life. I felt that it was time to stop worrying about everyone else and start addressing my own flaws, before I start using everyone else as an excuse for never doing anything all the way. Time to make a real committment and begin the relentless pursuit of excellence. Then I started seeing Sarah.

Its not like I just met some random girl and totally went ass-over-tea kettle nuts about her. Thats not it at all. I've known Sarah for I'd have to say about 20 years. Thats 2/3 of my life that I've known her. I've had feelings for her for a big portion of that time, strong feelings. I've gone on with my life...we've gone on...apart...each on their own path. Each of us having triumphs and failures, but apart. Then our paths crossed again. Right as I'm about to leave for the Army. The timing here isn't the best. My greatest fear becomes a reality. Something I can't walk away from. Something that means more to me than anything else. It's not that I've given up on my dreams of becoming a Special Forces Soldier. I haven't by any stretch. But what do you do when you meet someone who makes your dreams change? That scares the shit out of me. It really turned my world upside down and made me aware that I've had tunnel vision. The right person will do that I suppose. They dont really change your dreams I guess, They enhance them.


So the story continues...we start talking...then spending a little time together. The usual back and forth begins...neither one of us is sure what we want from the other one...things go back and forth. She has fears....I have fears. She thinks maybe that I will go away and love the Army more than her, or that distance will make me forget about her. So finally I was so frustrated and emotional I just told her that I'd had a crush on her for about 15 years. Time and distance have never had any effect on that. They never will. As much as I thought she was complicating my life, she was really making it alot simpler.

My whole mentality right now is to go for it, Sieze every opportunity...thats what the whole 18x program is for me. I dont want to be an old man in rocking chair looking back on my life and regretting not trying out for it when I had the chance. Always wondering if I had what it takes to be the best. Wondering if I could ever really pour my heart and soul into something and go full out...if I could ever reach my potential. So when The opportunity arose for me to start a relationship with Sarah, I decided to apply the same philosophy, go for broke. Cast or Tab. I never thought she would make it so easy though. All the frustration came from finally having an opportunity to do something I'd always wanted to do, alot like the wrestling I did with deciding to enlist again. That of course happened before this blog began.

I remember writing that maybe I was afraid of failure, but terrified of success. Its the same thing with Sarah. Meeting someone that makes you want to be better can be a little disorienting. I'm scared of her sometimes. Scared that maybe I wont live up to her. I wont be enough. Just like Special Forces. Not a very romantic comparison I guess, but its a theme with me I'm realizing. Im scared of Disappointing her. The same way I'm scared of making it through the SF pipeline and Screwing up on a team. I'm realizing that its not bad to have those fears, as long as they drive us to make sure they never come true.

No matter what the outcome of this relationship is, I wont have any regrets about going for it. I wont wind up an old man in a rocking chair wondering what would have happened if I'd tried. I sleep better now.

Pain in the foot

After taking my Ruck out for its daily walk yesterday...the top of my left foot was killing me! Its kind of an internal pain, no marks on the foot or anything...I'm desperately hoping its not the beginning of a fracture. Now bear in mind that I have been doing my Rucks mainly on paved roads and sidewalks, and doing at least 2.5 miles a day as fast as I can. The Ruck is now weighing in at a healthy 45 lbs (proabaly a little more considering it has been soaking wet form all this damn rain!), and I'm thinking that I have exceeded my Sneakers tolerances. It's probably time to get the boots into full usage, if I can ever get them broken in. I'm honestly thinking I may have gotten the wrong size....maybe I should have gone with an 8w instead of the 8 1/2w. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten the wides at all. I dont know, but I'll need to have this all figured out before I ship. My calluses are coming along quite nicely though. In good news, Im finally under 200lbs! I weighed in at 199 yesterday, the lightest I've been in a few years. I havent exactly been obese, but I have definately been carrying a little extra baggage around that I didnt need. Now I wont have to go through the humiliation of being taped after a weight in. I'm actually pretty happy about that, the little Belly is shrinking and my legs and hips are getting alot of definition. 7 more weeks or so untill I ship, so I should be in much better shape!

The thing that really bums me out about the foot is that I cant run on it when its all messed up like this, and I REALLY need to work on my running. BAD. It's the one thing that could keep me out of SFAS and even Airborne. I will be so dissappointed if I cant even begin the courses because I cant score high enough on the damn PT test. Push ups and sit ups dont worry me....I'll be doing PLENTY of those in OSUT, I can garuntee that. Probably pull-ups too. And SOPC1 or the SFPC (whatever they are calling it now) will be upperbody intensive, beyond a doubt. But running is my weak point. I hate it because of that. Oh well, enough whining...time to knock out a few push-ups!

Mt. Azure

So I got home last night from my little trip up into the Adirondacks. I really love it up there! Spent a nice quite night communing with nature and then did a hike up Mt. Azure. The trail is 2 miles long (round trip) and goes up 944 feet vertically. Its definately a nice workout. The really good news is that I lugged the Ruck up all the way, and even managed to bring a stone up in it (there's a rock pile they are trying to move to the top to help stop erosion). My legs felt great, but I thought my heart was going to explode. I suppose I should do some more cardio! (actually, any at all would probably help.) I'm also happy to say that the blisters, while still a little raw, are alot better. I wore plain hiking boots on the trail, and still had a little "sensation" in my heels, but no damage done. I'm really hoping for a nice set of calluses before I ship to OSUT, otherwise, when I get there my feet will get all torn up again, and once training really begins I dont want to have to take time off for an injury.

In other news, my personal life remains in a state of flux. I had a big huge rant written, but I deleted it because it's just more whining and crying about women. Nobody wants to hear that crap! I have had a few moments that made me raise an eyebrow this past week though. I guess it keeps my life interesting.

I did do something fun this morning though...I watched Rambo! Thats right, the first one, the original. HAHAHA.....it was Awesome. I really like the part where the SF Officer goes off on his little rant about how they are dealing "With a man who has been trained to ignore weather, ignore pain....trained to eat stuff that would make a billy goat puke!" HAHA thats classic. Next on my list of fun movies is The Green Berets, starring none other than THE DUKE himself. I've seen it a few times, but it always cracks me up. Maybe I'll make that a reward for my next long training day.

Headed for the Hills

Ok, Im getting ready to head north for the rest of the weekend. I have my ruck packed up, some nicely broken in hiking boots, plenty of water and bug spray. If I can figure out how to post pics here, I'll hang some up when I get back! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Good Day

So, Im officially kicking my own ass. Yesterday I did a 6 mile ruck, then went and ran two miles, and did another two miles with the Ruck. Legs were a wee bit tired today, but its worth it. I need alot more running though, my 2 mile time is pretty friggin awful. If I dont fix that I wont even make it out of OSUT, never mind airborne. Even getting to Selection is going to be a battle for me. I suppose its just the beginning of a never ending struggle. Speaking of never ending struggles....women. Must have been wearing my "fuck with my head, please" hat again today. Haha....the most insane thing about this situation is that this girl is doing all this via TEXT message. Holy Guacomole! Who the hell does that? I'm starting to believe this is a punishment from God for my misspent youth. Or maybe Im already dead and in purgatory. Who knows?
Anyway...I'm heading off into the Adirondacks for some quality time with my good friend mister Rucksack and some mountains. Im getting tired of walking along the side of the road and being close to cell towers. I few days in the hills and some pain will give me a chance to clear my head a little (hopefully). If nothing else, my Rage pushes me even harder, so I'll either come through this with a solid relationship or a stronger set of legs. Either way I win.

Independence Day

So, I spent this Independence day with my family, exactly where I should have! What a great day. It was pretty nice to be able to realx and spend time with the people I care about. I really wished my sister had been able to make it today, but it just wasn't in the cards. Spending time with my family really took my mind off of some of the personal issues that have been crapping up my life lately, and shifting my focus from where it should be...on Special Forces. I cannot remember any major descision in my adult life that a woman has not come along and totally made about ten thousand times more difficult. Whats up with that? I must have a huge target painted on my back or somethang that says "obviously content, please confuse". The worst part about it is that I fall for it every single time. What a bunch of baloney. It sometimes seems to be that the very nature of women is to distract and confuse. The whole situation just makes me want to get too OSUT and get the ball rolling ASAP. I'm sure they will keep me busy enough in the SF pipeline where I won't even have time to think about women. Thank God I'm not married. Or maybe things would be easier if I was married to the right woman....see? confusing. Oh well...anyway, tomorrow its back to work...the blisters are as better as I can let them get for now...I miss my Rucks! You know your life is getting complicated when you subject yourself to physical pain to distract yourself. Bring on Selection!

Blister heels

So, I discovered that I can get on base and shop in the PX with my silly little DEP ID. WOOHOO! They sell all sorts of cool stuff in there! I bought some socks (green wool ones), boots, a complete ruck, a little flashlight with a red L.E.D. and a map case. Man, they sell all kinds of cool camelbacks and go-faster stuff in there, but I stuck to the essentials. So today, despite instructions to the contrary, I decided to try out my new boots. BIG FRIGGIN MISTAKE! I am now the proud owner of two silver dollar sized blisters on each heel. Can you say DUMBASS? oh well, now I know first hand why they say not to ruck in brand new boots. Anyway, I also went to my recruiters office and talked with him for a while. All in all, not a bad day. I have actually come to like my daily ruck's. it really gives me a chance to get some tension out of my system. It starts to feel good after a while. The pain goes away and I start to get that endorphin rush and feel like a tough guy. hehe....its good for me at this point....building the confidence I'll need for later. On the up side, the blisters will give me an excuse to focus on upperbody training for a few days, which I have been neglecting. Im trying to do every push-up perfectly. I go slow. This makes them extremely difficult for me. But practice makes perfect only if its perfect practice, right?